Poetry: The problem with waiting is

I've never had sugar

Not a lick

Not a spoonful

No candy

No cookies

No cake

I want to savor my first bite

I want to leave the full experience

So that it's pure

And its sweetness I could never forget

I believe that its goodness belongs to dessert only

And I haven't gotten past lunch

Don't tell me about your sweet cereal

Don't brag about your candied snacks

Don't speak to me about saccharine meals

I don't want to know the "benefits" of Halloween

I don't want to know what your favorite treats are

I don't want to know how frequent you feast upon sweetener

I have decided to follow this rule

So don't

Don't tempt me by making food I will not consume

Don't leave small candies behind in my room

Don't describe for me the joys it causes

Don't tell me that it won't spoil my meal plan

Don't tell me that I can have dessert before dinner

Don't tell me your personal lines of distinction

Don't make fresh cookies while I am near

In fact, I don't even want to see it

Hide your sugar, hide it all

You say I'm crazy

My lines are too strict

It's possible

But I won't take that chance

I say I'm waiting

Waiting for it all

~*~*~*~

You offer a small confectionary

Just smell it, you ask

I can imagine placing it inside my mouth

What harm could a little bonbon cause?

I falter and so you leave it in my care

Make the decision yourself you say

You leave

In your absence
I consult those I trust

On this matter of sucrose

They grew gluttonous in their youth

From their experience they tell me

The dangers of sweet voracity

I almost broke

I cannot believe it

I have let this dreaded delight

Too close

~*~*~*~

I taste a small piece

It's intoxicating

It's what I hoped for

More than I envisioned

My head reels

I need more

I close my eyes

Relish the goodness

I open my eyes

The shame of my glut lies before me

But I'm now addicted

I knew I'd love it

This is why I had those boundaries

Thank goodness it is now past dinner

Let the feast begin

~*~*~*~

It turns out that all of my years

Of abstinence

Built an intolerance

For my justified vice

It turns out that my patience

Is limited

And I demand what I crave

Now that I know that my craving

Can be satisfied

It turns out that what I desire
Is not always easily offered

(In frustration do I take it

Or grow angry and resentful?)

It is dessert time

I demand to receive

It's what I waited for

It's why I ate my dinner

~*~*~*~

I guess the problem with waiting is

I wasn't really waiting at all

Just living in restriction

Closed in under tight boundary

Forcing distance to enforce security

I didn't learn how to be secure

All my hopes and dreams

Got tied into this

I had unrealistic expectations

Instead of channeling

My wait into patience

I stored it all

For this future moment

And it didn't pan out

Like I wanted

It didn't last

Like I imagined

Too many hidden variables

Too many changing factors

Too many unforeseen difficulties

And certainly

Too little patience

(Because it's finally birthday

And I need to open all the presents now

I thought I could laugh at all

The early openers,

They who celebrate on the wrong date,

Those who open one present a night early

Because I waited

And my reveal was supposed to be

Glorious

But the boxes contained PJs and socks

And more and more unfascinating things

And rules appeared

About when and how

The presents could and should be unfastened)

This isn't what I pictured

This isn't what I wanted

I thought I was being patient

It turns out

It was just a guise

For my greed

~*~*~*~

Do I understand now

What I didn't then?

When you said,

"You can have dinner without dessert."

In my urgency to consume

The prize of the meal

Did I forget the importance

Of a strong fundamental base?

In my greed to finally satisfy

The hunger of my flesh

Did I forget the reason

Such a gift is even offered?

Did I forget that it was a gift?

In my desire to achieve this end

Did I ignore the truth of the matter?

The possibility it might not even be offered?

(I wonder how true I would have stayed

If I found out that my end prize

That I have placed everything onto

Would not have been made available)

The problem with waiting is...

I hadn't learned patience nor love.

And I am all the worse for it.