Poetry: Swindle

You know you love me.
That's the problem.
How can love be a problem?


How did I get here?
I can barely remember
Forgetting scares me
I spend my energy reminiscing
All I have is the past


I don't want to forget


I took your time
I took your energy
I took your quirks
I took your values
I took your certainty
I locked them up in a box.


I take
and take
and take
and take
and take
and take
and take
but yet


It's not enough?
No


It's not what I want.


How many layers will I remove
How close to the core will I get
Just how many will be revealed


Before


Before I'm fed up
Before you leave me
Before the fairy tale ends
Before I'm replaced
Before the future happens


I don't belong there
I'm a creature of the past
The future is a monster
That I can't face


Don't ask me to dwell on him
Don't ask me to prepare for him


When that time comes
I'll be gone
I'll run away
I'll be left behind
Remembering the past


I hoodwink you!
My deceptions make the present last longer
My trickery keeps the future at bay


I'll pour salt into your eyes
Blind you
I don't want you to see the truth
I'm so bad at the truth


The truth makes the future come
The truth makes you realize that I'm shit
The truth makes me scared


No one survives the truth
No one stays after knowing it


Why would you?
How could you?


This isn't what I want.


What I want is a dream
A fantasy
An impossible goal
It could never happen


Ignore what I want
Settle


If I can't get what I want,
I'll get as close as possible
I'll do whatever it takes
To get as close as possible


The name of the game, friend
How much pain will you cause me
Before you leave me?
And you will


This is not what I want.


It's never about what I want.