Poetry: It's up to you, hon

I like the ocean
Looking at its vastness
Spreading on for what looks like forever
The waves sprawl up
Spray the coast
Further out there is clear silence
It engulfs me
Beautiful
Yes, sometimes it's harsh
But nothing is hidden
And most days the clear water can be enjoyed
Peering below
All its treasures
The sun shining on its entire surface
At peace
Shimmering

I sometimes wish that all of my relationships were like the ocean
But it's not up to me
The boundaries you face are placed upon your shoulders by them
And you have put a lot of boundaries up, haven't you, hon?

You limit my time
You limit my words
You limit my physicality
You limit my generosity

And it hurts.

But not nearly as much as when you limit you.

Because that's up to you, hon.

Your time
Your words
Your physicality
Your generosity
Your gratuity

These are the things I crave
That I cannot give
That I cannot take
That I can only desperately wish for

Because you can reject my gifts--
That's fine
It hurts, but

I don't cry over rejection.

I don't cry when you tell me to stop
I don't cry when you say that you've had enough
I don't cry when you limit my ability to love you
I don't cry when you set up boundaries for me
(Because you won't let me love you)

I cry when the ability to be my friend
To make me feel loved
Is up to you
And you don't seem to get it
(How can you not get it?)
It's up to you, hon

I show the love I want to have
Is that really so hard to understand?
I crave company so I seek others out
I don't want them to feel the loneliness that I do
I long to be caressed so I seek others out
I don't want them to suffer the hurt of that loss
I wish to be a priority in time so I make others mine
I don't anyone to ever feel rejected or less important
I fear words of kindness because they mean so much; give so little
I lace my words in meaning but show my devotion at every level
(Because everyone needs to hear encouragement, even if it's outwardly rude)

But how do you say this?
I don't want to be a burden
I don't want to make you think about all the little ways
I deem myself unworthy
Because I am
Because I do
And I don't want your pity
And I don't want your worry
And I don't want your concern

I just want you
To be there
I'm there for you
And I love it
And it's great
And I thank the Lord every day
Honest, I do
But

It hurts
It hurts so much
'Cause you think I give a damn about how I generous I am
Like I care
Like it means anything
To me
What I do for you,
I do for you

I'd slave away
For your smile
And I'm grateful that I had the chance
I want you to be loved
With all my heart
Truly
But that's all for you

I'm taking a selfish moment to talk about me
'Cause it's up to you, hon
It's always been up to you

So don't treat me
Don't give me gifts
Don't make me a priority
Don't say beautiful things
Don't you ever touch me

Not unless you mean it
Not unless you understand
Not unless

Forget it
Never mind
I'm done

It's up to you, hon.