Poetry: Tears

Hold it back
You're in public
Don't go roaming free
Free with your emotions
That's disgusting
Remain strong

Crybaby, they'll say.
Weakling, they'll mock.
Forever after, an attention seeker.

They're in front of you
Yes, they make it hard
But it's now up to you
Control your actions
Let them deal with their's
Don't show weakness

Crybaby, they'll say.
Weakling, they'll mock.
Forever after, an attention seeker.

Home at last
You made it through the day
Now will you cry in front of family
Or let them live in peace from your problems?
Can you justify such selfish actions in front of them?
Yes you're upset but is it bad enough to need their concern?

Crybaby, they'll say.
Weakling, they'll mock.
Forever after, an attention seeker.

Alone now.
Alone in my room.
Were the walls always so close together?
Pain wells up.
Is it time?
Can I stop hiding?
I don't feel like crying.
I want to die.
But I'm too weak for suicide.
It's not worth it anyways.
I'm too worthless to kill.
No one noticed, you know.

I was hiding my tears, yes.
But the pain was still on my face.
If you looked.
No one does.
Am I really that hideous looking?
The memories well up.
Overcoming my body.
I can't handle this.
I've never been able to.

Is it strength that makes me appear strong
Or my weak unwillingness to let myself be known to others?

No one knows me.
Do I know myself?

I cry silently in the dark
Hating my tears
Loathing my fear

I am alone by my own design
Yet I am bitter about the empty room
I pushed everyone away when they tried to get close
And now I am mad that no one is here to console me
I am such a hypocrite
Such an idiotic liar.

I'm not smart
I'm not talented
I'm not unique or special or able or strong
I'm just me.

And it's never been enough,
I know.

And that's why I hide.
Why the tears flow now.
Making me hate
Myself, even more.