Poetry: Sheltering Pain

I am strong
I am independent
Of the weaknesses of my body
I laugh

This is how I bear illness
This is how I bear pain
This is how I bear life

Such is not the case
Any longer

Where do you run?
When there is no more track?
Where do you turn?
When you're on a small winding road with no exits?
Where do you hide?
When you're in the middle of the plains with naught but grass for miles?

All I know
Is denial.

Faced with these harsh facts
I cannot
Deny
This condition
Is not a little thing to laugh at
This condition
Will not pass with time and endurance
This condition
Can only get worse.

My only coping mechanism
Ruined
Useless
Demolished

Laughable
Isn't it?
That one
As strong as me
As capable as me
As sustainable as me
Crumpled

What am I to do?
How do I tell them?
I don't want them to know
But I should tell them

Would knowing
Or
Ignorance of reason with effect shown
Be worse?
I don't want their concern.

It's unavoidable
It's facing reality

And just as I had to conquer my denial
My obstinance
My refusal
To be sick
To be weak
To be something inconvenient to me

Their ignorance must also be conquered

This battle is not one I am pleased to fight.

But

I am strong
I am independent
Of the weaknesses of my body
I laugh

This is how I bear illness
This is how I bear pain
This is how I bear life

They will know my physical pains
But how it shames me
Is a secret locked in my heart.