I'm laying on my bed in my dark room alone and I've told everyone who might bother me that I'm sleeping for a nap but in reality, I lay here with my dark thoughts and feel morose as the sensations of being alone well up and consume me.
I miss my man for many reasons but here in this moment a primary one would have to be his refusal to let me cry. I physically crave the happiness that he brings me whether it was done intentionally or not. And how can I tell him what this separation does to me without him feeling guilt? It is not his fault that he is gone and there is nothing he can do to quicken his return. He craves me as I, him. And I know what he'd say if he was here... giving gentle reassurances in his embrace, pleading me not to cry and to be strong for him. I know these things... Somehow they just make me more sad.
I cry a guilty tear and tell myself that I'm not depressed-- just homesick. We have forever so don't worry so much about the now. But I ache to be touched, to be held, to be loved... more than I've ever felt hungry. More than I've ever felt tired. It is a need deep within my soul, a wound in my spirit that is bleeding. I don't know how I'll make it to tomorrow...
I guess I'll just sleep.
