Poetry: Young Love

I don’t think I remember the day that we met nor the moment that I fell in love with you. But I remember the early days of being in love with you and how much I craved your attention which you so readily gave to me. We would hold long conversations and never get along and it would make my heart spin in excitement knowing that you desired to hear my words, as contrary to yours they may have been. I remember how shy you were to reach out and touch me but how desperately you wished to… and I’ll never forget the nervousness I felt the first time your hand rested upon my thigh all those years ago.

I speak to you now and we’re no longer young nor shy about our embraces. (But we were hardly shy then once we began) Yet, there is a spring time in our romance that most loves our age no longer possess. I abandon reason and my life for your love and I trust it all to you.

I promise you dear this one thing only. As long as you keep on loving me as only you can, I’ll make you the happiest man alive and through this happiness created, the most wealthy.

Feelings

1. Figure out what you’re feeling. So many problems occur in life because people don’t stop to think and evaluate their true feelings. There is a reason you’re acting the way that you are and you need to straighten out what you’re scared of.

2. Girls are way more in tune with their feelings than guys are. It’s a biological brain thing (frankly no one’s interested in a biology lecture) and it starts very young. As such, girls are responsible for telling the boys in their life how they feel and the boys are responsible for deciding how to act based on this information. Sometimes a boy needs this wake up call to understand how he feels.

3. Girls, let boys pursue you. Let them play the role of gentlemen and accept their actions with grace and gratitude. Do not expect nice treatment but do not turn it away if offered. Everyone expresses their feelings differently. Do not be so cold-hearted or selfish that you have to be loved a certain way.

4. You do not get to be jealous or hold resentment towards someone for not loving you– ESPECIALLY if you never directly told them how you feel. Feelings are never owed.

5. Feelings may be emotionally based but they need a root in reality to thrive. A person’s background, actions, beliefs, and goals have an impact on your longevity as a couple and cannot be ignored. The initial spark of a relationship does not last forever and you need something to connect you together again once the kids have moved out and you’re alone in a large house with just each other to console.

Poetry: You Think

Do you think you’re being funny when you insult me?
Do you think you’re being funny with that childish behavior that no one appreciates?
Do you think you’re being funny using sexist rhetoric and putting everyone around you down?
Do you think you’re being funny highlighting your superiority complex?

Sarcasm isn’t funny.
Insults aren’t funny.
Generalizations never will be funny.
Inflated egos are pitiful.

I feel you believe that if two people are close that they can rag on each other.
If you were close to me you’d know that I never appreciate that.
Then again, you know very little about me.
Our friendship is a one-way street towards you.

I wonder if you understand the impact you have on others.
It’s gotten to the point that I empathize with your enemies.
The people you leave behind you leave wounded.
Sometimes I question how you’ll leave me and I hope that I leave you.

This is what I think.
What is it that you think?

Poetry: Easter

You dress in pastel and laugh and dance and eat an abundance of chocolate and fatty sweets, socializing and decorating and gathering together to spread your joy among the group of people that you care about, saying that it’s all in celebration and love of the Lord.

Did he really die and suffer so, bearing the weight of the atrocity of our sins, opening the entrance to heaven to us unworthy so that we could decorate eggs, eat chocolate rabbits, and find an excuse to hang out with the people we love? It sounds weak.

I don’t know what, but we’re missing something. The weight and urgency of the action falls short of our ears and we let ourselves party instead. Is our happiness really so important to us that we let ourselves believe that his sacrifice was so we could find a reason to smile in our artificial reality? It concerns me that so little can make us believe that we’re living out our discipleship correctly. There must be a better way than this. Than pretending today is just another day. Than hearing a sermon that pumps us up but yields zero action the rest of the day.

We are an Easter people. Tell me. How are we living differently?

Poetry: Cry

Nothing happened. There is no reason for this. Nothing negative is dragging me down. Today is just another day. Nothing special. Nothing that should cause strong emotions in either direction. So why, why am I…?

Poetry: Heart Broken

There’s a change in you; a shift. I’m not even sure that you’re aware of it but I’m not blind even as you push me away. The way that you used to speak was happier, had more hope. I would not have befriended the person I see before me now and the transition I’ve witnessed saddens me. Your harsh jokes have become your actual way of thinking. Your current view on the opposite sex is soulless and unforgiving. Resfusing to admit the emotional motivation that impacts your actions is childish and weak. Pretending to be unaffected by a recent heartbreak, pretending to be moving on, damaging future men as a way to lash out against the ones of old, viewing people like cattle to be used and manipulated to your will… you are not who you used to be. There is no hopeless romantic left. You don’t ship your friends and you don’t believe in love. The way you treated my man so callously was not ignored and your unforgiving attitude towards me was distinctly noticed. Are you aware of the pain you cause as you build your defences against feelings? I see your alteration. You have become someone I cannot recognize.

Poetry: Familiar Contemplations

I want to kill myself.
But too many people would blame themselves and be sad so I can’t. But it’s not like they’re doing anything to make my life better currently… I cannot list them on a chart of my happinesses. The only one who makes me happy is unreachable until the end of the year. Is wanting to cry weak? I wish I was strong enough to defy God and hurt myself badly enough that I could die – forgetting everyone else even if just for that moment. I am weak.
I want to kill myself.