Poetry: The Doubtful

I trusted you
I told you too much
You take words in sorrow
Too literally

I know you see me with scorn
I'm below you
Less trustworthy
Misplaced my faith
A sinner damned

You're not perfect
You're flawed
In ways that take time to see
But you hide
Especially from me

But

There's a fog in the air
A mist
Swarming round
Distorting the eyes

Close them, I say
Trust me
I can lead us through
Because I see the way

Adamantly you refuse
"This is just another ruse
You'll lead me falsely
I won't give in
My eyes are as good as yours
I can find my own way through"

Your hot words of contempt
Burn
Smoke from your ears
Tears fall from my eyes
Sizzle
The murk gets thicker

Damn it, just listen!
Why can't you just trust me?
I know you don't want to
But damn your pride
At least I have a light

I know you view me low
But doesn't that just mean
That when we are seaside
Away from the mountains of home
That I'd be able to guide us better?
Why would I lead fallaciously?

Seriously, the resolution is so easy
The fix can happen so swiftly
But you're inflexible
Bucking with resistance
Don't you know
Horses have to be blindfolded
To get lead away from fire?

I know what I'm doing.
I don't break promises, and I promise you.
You can trust me, I will tell the truth.
Your skepticism is all on you.

Must I call you Thomas?
You put me to the test.
One I don't deserve
One I didn't earn
For hidden reasons
I can't understand.

When I've been true
My words lay open
The deeds match the words
So
What demons plague your mind?
Who smudges thine eyes?
(It seems so clear to me)

Full of hesitation
Motives closed
Refusing to budge

Think me a liar
Mishear the words
Full of your day's pain
Misread the tone
Of my words

I told you too much
Because you weren't ready to understand
Incapable of listening
Openly

(I trusted you
But you never trusted me
And now, lost in the haze
It's clear to see)

I can save myself
Abandon ship
Your emotional immaturity
Ties you to the mast
Screaming as I unknot the cords

Can I save us both?
In my effort will I lose my own chance?
It's a hot mess
All coming from insecurities
Building
Growing
Expanding
Flourishing

If I could just explain
If you could just listen
If we could just... talk

I could decide if I should leave you
Or fight
I could settle all these dilemmas
That need mutual approval

But I can't change your mind
I can't force your thinking
I can't make you want to
I can't act for two
When I'm just one

So, Thomas
Touch my flesh
Feel my pain
I'm willing to show you
If you wish to

Please
Hear my urgency
Respond in kind
A candle is useless
Without a flame

Wick and wax
Together as one
Light the way

No reservations
No fears
Push your doubts to the side
Be here
Be present
You can pick up your doubts later
If you wish or need to

I trusted you
A puppet for your will
Silent of the pain
The forced movements caused
Because I was glad in your delight

But somehow you heard of my pain
And yelled at my anguish
Deeming it a lie
Me? Liar
Stating you can never trust me
Because I gave too willingly

So here I am now
Both of us hurt
Recuperating
I reach out
"Let the hurt be gone"
You see malice, a game
A need for revenge
Drawn up by spite

I wonder, Thomas
What made you
Hate me so?
You really are

The Doubtful