Poetry: Mea Culpa

Through pain we find release.
When I say "mea culpa",
Strike your self...
Arm, leg, whatever.

I pushed you to the breaking point
Mea culpa

Through mea culpa I told you
What you weren't ready to hear

Mea culpa
Mea culpa
Mea culpa

I was playing a game, mea culpa
And you thought it was real

I knew your pains yet...
Mea culpa

I chose you because I knew your response
Mea culpa

Then I guilted you, mea culpa
For making your choice known

Mea culpa
Mea culpa
Mea culpa

I am troublesome
Mea culpa
I nag
Mea culpa
I badger you on and on without release
Mea culpa
I henpeck
Mea culpa
I carp, I bellyache, I whine

Mea culpa
Mea culpa
Mea culpa

I am a thorn in your side
Mea culpa

I am here as a sadist
Mea culpa

I watch you writhe
Mea culpa

Worm on a string,
Mea culpa
Snail covered in salt,
Mea culpa
Fish out of water,
Mea culpa

I watch the spider approach the moth,
Mea culpa
And I do naught but watch
Mea culpa

Why am I here?
Mea culpa
What reason have I to be in your life?
Mea culpa

You get fed up (reasonable)
You get annoyed (sensible)
You need space (rational)

But I make you feel guilt
Mea culpa

You think it is your fault
Mea culpa
You think that I'm hurting
Mea culpa
You think the reason is stress
Mea culpa

It's me
Mea culpa

Through mea culpa
Through mea culpa
Through mea maxima culpa...

Why blame yourself when it's on me?
Through this pain I make it right.
Broken arm?
Broken leg?
Little matters.

It's my fault and I have failed.

Mea culpa.

Poetry: I Forgive

My joy is in the Lord
My life blood is in His
I ask Him to absolve my transgressions
Willingly He obliges to my pains

You do such a minor thing,
You say such an insignificant truth,
You think such a simple answer

How could I not love you?
How could I not forgive?
How could I not overlook this?
How could I not understand?

For the Lord is my strength.
He takes away my pains
For Him I give my all

The sorrows of today are nothing!
He steals them away from me.
He takes away my pains along with my sins

View me as you will,
Treat me as you might,
Listen as you wish to understand

No matter these little things...

I forgive.

(Does not He do the same for me?)

Poetry: Crucifix

Dogwood?
Olive?
Irrelevant

Two pieces of simple wood
Strong
Each took a full tree to form
Dense
How horrifying is this reality
Simple
Where death is borne by life
Basic
It is the only truth.

Poetry: The Mirror Doth Lie

Glance at these worn hands
Read their life story
Too much manual labor
Not enough love
Endured pain
Survived
Struggling to remain unbroken
Certainly such atrocities to nature
Should never be given such a gift as a ring

The mirror hides the details
The mirror smiles pleasantly
The mirror doesn't reveal the texture
The mirror catches the polish and ignores the nail

Examine the face
Find its age within its creases
The eyes are restless
Small scars of abuse lie strewn about
(Like dirty laundry in a boy's bedroom)
See the smile?
It's tired and forced
(More of a frown forced into the wrong shape)
Pores galore!
Nothing soft in this fat face
Pockmarks found

The mirror shows youth
The mirror reveals fair perfection
The mirror exhibits merriment
The mirror broadcasts the basic chick and ignores the woman

Analyze the feet
How many miles have they traveled?
How many mistakes have they endured at the hands of their sovereign?
They look elongated
The toes are bent strangely
Dry and worn out

The mirror shows

What?!

What can a piece of glass show?

It's only accurate after it's shattered.

Poetry: Ichor

I can't contain these emotions
These thoughts swirl loudly in my head
My heartbeat is a drum banging in my ears

I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't

I can't handle this
It's too much
I'm not enough

My pain is all too real
My pain is all too hidden
My pain is all too personal

I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't

It needs to be visualized
It needs to be expressed

Then it'll be your fault
For not noticing
And it won't be my fault
For not telling

I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't

The knife digs in
The pain is a release
The liquid pools

Nothing is more beautiful to me
My body is now as weak as my mind
I am one with my torment

Poetry: Him

His hand is upon my shoulder
The sensation calms my fears

I am not alone

I look up into his expecting eyes
The altruistic look said it all

I close my eyes

My hair is swept to the side
His lips caress my neck

Is this what love is like?

Sweet, tender, and slow?

I want to memorize these sensations
I want this to last forever

I start to lose myself
The feelings are too pure

I wake up

The face that mattered most
Forgotten

The sensations ebb away
Gone

In a few minutes
I'll have nothing left

Except one memory
The hand on my shoulder

It is my quest.

Poetry: Swindle

You know you love me.
That's the problem.
How can love be a problem?


How did I get here?
I can barely remember
Forgetting scares me
I spend my energy reminiscing
All I have is the past


I don't want to forget


I took your time
I took your energy
I took your quirks
I took your values
I took your certainty
I locked them up in a box.


I take
and take
and take
and take
and take
and take
and take
but yet


It's not enough?
No


It's not what I want.


How many layers will I remove
How close to the core will I get
Just how many will be revealed


Before


Before I'm fed up
Before you leave me
Before the fairy tale ends
Before I'm replaced
Before the future happens


I don't belong there
I'm a creature of the past
The future is a monster
That I can't face


Don't ask me to dwell on him
Don't ask me to prepare for him


When that time comes
I'll be gone
I'll run away
I'll be left behind
Remembering the past


I hoodwink you!
My deceptions make the present last longer
My trickery keeps the future at bay


I'll pour salt into your eyes
Blind you
I don't want you to see the truth
I'm so bad at the truth


The truth makes the future come
The truth makes you realize that I'm shit
The truth makes me scared


No one survives the truth
No one stays after knowing it


Why would you?
How could you?


This isn't what I want.


What I want is a dream
A fantasy
An impossible goal
It could never happen


Ignore what I want
Settle


If I can't get what I want,
I'll get as close as possible
I'll do whatever it takes
To get as close as possible


The name of the game, friend
How much pain will you cause me
Before you leave me?
And you will


This is not what I want.


It's never about what I want.