It's something special
We should do something
Then let us plan
Okay, plan time underway
Plan 1
Scratch that, plan 2
Scratch that too, plan 3
Modify that to plan 3.0
Okay but add music
That or this?
This
Okay now we need a cast
How many?
5-10
How about 15
Works
Assemble a crew
Assembled but
But what
Half won't respond
Not showing up?
Correct
They need to practice to partake
Indeed, so let's get more crew
1/3 crew dropped out
New crew is also unresponsive
Dedicated ones all have a mind for what they want
Reassemble plan into plan 4
Hate plan 4, plan 5
Crew won't do plan 5, they offer plan 6
Plan 6 is unrealistic, modify to plan 6.0
Crew overthrows new plan, plan 7
We agree on plan 7
Practice
Practice times have changed
New and old practice times are getting confusing
Messages are all private between single parties
Not a uniform idea for how to do this
Old crew that dropped comes back
Modify them into plan 7
Single practice time where all show up
No responses
They say "yes" but don't do
Practice time just for 1/4 group
Show up day of performance hours early
All the crew is there
Practice once
That was crap
Practice again
That was also crap
Close enough
Time for the show
Wait
Wait
Wait
Wait
Perform (5 minutes tops)
Dinner after?
Wait a while
Wait a while
Wait a while
Get food
Eat in 10 minutes
Talk
Talk
Talk
Bored
Bored
Bored
Time to go home.
Was it worth it?
Does it matter?
We'll do it again next year.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Poetry: Hanging
...I doubt...
the goodness of others
...Their humanity...
is gone in mine eyes
...They are small creatures...
unworthy of sympathy
...Sometimes I go through periods where...
I cannot see them
as anything more than bodies
...I give them roles in my head;
who they are and their limits
...To justify acting pleasantly...
to these little people
...But they are not my images...
so they break away from my boundaries
and this makes me mad
...So I disassociate once again...
no longer do I see them
...They are gone from my cruel eyes...
And that is how I relate to others
Through Psychopathic filters
Through a place of un-love and bias
No, I don't understand you
No, I don't know your pain
I just wish to be Holy and close to the Father
So I act like Christine,
Feeling like Phantom.
the goodness of others
...Their humanity...
is gone in mine eyes
...They are small creatures...
unworthy of sympathy
...Sometimes I go through periods where...
I cannot see them
as anything more than bodies
...I give them roles in my head;
who they are and their limits
...To justify acting pleasantly...
to these little people
...But they are not my images...
so they break away from my boundaries
and this makes me mad
...So I disassociate once again...
no longer do I see them
...They are gone from my cruel eyes...
And that is how I relate to others
Through Psychopathic filters
Through a place of un-love and bias
No, I don't understand you
No, I don't know your pain
I just wish to be Holy and close to the Father
So I act like Christine,
Feeling like Phantom.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Poetry: Fallen
I could write a list of my strongest values
And I could adamantly tell you how strong they'd be
If a million soldiers came by and forced me to renounce
I would say I would choose death,
And you would believe me.
But when I see the one I love
And I view his crooked grin,
I wonder what I'd be willing to do
For him to fall in love with me.
I think of all my values
All the things that I most prize
And I'm not sure if it's a realization
Or a fear, but I...
I'm not sure what my limit'd be
For him to fall in love with me.
And I could adamantly tell you how strong they'd be
If a million soldiers came by and forced me to renounce
I would say I would choose death,
And you would believe me.
But when I see the one I love
And I view his crooked grin,
I wonder what I'd be willing to do
For him to fall in love with me.
I think of all my values
All the things that I most prize
And I'm not sure if it's a realization
Or a fear, but I...
I'm not sure what my limit'd be
For him to fall in love with me.
Poetry: Torture
Jeremiah 20: 7-12
You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.
Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
The word of the Lord has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.
I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in,
I cannot endure it.
Yes, I hear the whisperings of many:
'Terror on every side!
Denounce! let us denounce him!'
All those who were my friends
are on the watch for any misstep of mine.
'Perhaps he will be trapped;
then we can prevail,
and take our vengeance on him.'
But the Lord is with me, like a mighty champion:
my persecutors will stumble, they will not triumph.
In their failure, they will be put to utter shame,
to lasting, unforgettable confusion.
O Lord of hosts, you who test the just,
who probe the mind and heart,
Let me witness the vengeance you take on them,
for to you I have entrusted my cause.
Sing to the Lord,
praise the Lord,
For he has rescued the life of the poor
from the power of the wicked!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have been lied to.
I was told it was easy,
Just love God, follow his word, want him.
I heard the stories, the miracles, the victories.
Recalling upon the savior with pure awe.
I wanted this.
I wanted to be closer to the creator.
I did not know the price.
Hearing a story that gives warnings does nothing.
Ignorant and hopeful, I went into the dark.
Walking closer to God is painful.
It requires giving up your will.
It means being mocked for choosing love over the material.
Misunderstood, feared, and alone;
I walked with my angels and the Lord.
They claim that I do not know him.
They claim that my faith is wrong.
They claim that I lost my logic.
They claim that I worship demons.
Loving God truly means to sacrifice your being to him, for him.
Temptations sprout like weeds,
Pulling you into a web of lies,
Fighting to draw you back,
Satan laughs in rejoice at every fall
Into the sin he is slaved to.
Angered at a proximity to God he lost,
Satan rages in jealousy and attacks.
And oh, how painful and frightening
These events are.
Death cannot be delivered from a sinful hand.
Bound by his creation,
Demons do no more than they are permitted
But still rejoice in their ability to harm.
And oh, how they harm.
They strike at you.
Pull your body into fear and spit lies.
Rarely there is physical debris left afterwards...
But
That makes their marks no less painful.
And it's not just them.
To walk with God is deny oneself.
I am no longer controlled by the material.
The people I know and knew hold no bondage over me.
The sins I have been tainted with?
Bleached away in the terrifying light of the Lord.
Nothing is scarier than someone who has no bounds.
To walk and live completely in their belief and faith,
What a horrifying thought.
But this is what God asks.
And when we do, oh how our neighbors tremble.
They can only feel right again by casting stones.
Jesus said, make the weakest stone the cornerstone.
Our foundation is built on trust.
To trust completely, faith of a child,
This is what it means to love him.
How far will you go for your faith?
The world asks you.
Your mother, brother, father... asks you.
God asks you.
To have faith is to be tested.
Are you strong enough to rely on our creator?
Choosing God is not a "point of no-return", it is a choice made every second of every day and the answer can change at any moment in time. Can you handle that burden? The constant temptations swirl around and mock you for choosing a path that doesn't involve them. Your peers, your siblings, society... surely will never understand why you trudge forward into the darkness that God calls you to when they are scared to live without fluorescent lights. There will be many who disagree with your choice, actively seeking your destruction as long as you move forward. But if you learnt just one thing from playing addictive video games as a child, isn't it true that the closer that your character becomes to victory that the enemies become stronger and more difficult to move past?
I know all this now. I knew not this then.
When I started my choice,
How could I have known
The pain of choosing Love.
Yahweh; to you I pray.
Creator, love me.
Savior, judge me.
Spirit, guide me.
At least for this second, I will go on.
With my angel at my side and a bible in my hand,
God, I willing to do your will.
And this time I know the consequences.
You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.
Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
The word of the Lord has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.
I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in,
I cannot endure it.
Yes, I hear the whisperings of many:
'Terror on every side!
Denounce! let us denounce him!'
All those who were my friends
are on the watch for any misstep of mine.
'Perhaps he will be trapped;
then we can prevail,
and take our vengeance on him.'
But the Lord is with me, like a mighty champion:
my persecutors will stumble, they will not triumph.
In their failure, they will be put to utter shame,
to lasting, unforgettable confusion.
O Lord of hosts, you who test the just,
who probe the mind and heart,
Let me witness the vengeance you take on them,
for to you I have entrusted my cause.
Sing to the Lord,
praise the Lord,
For he has rescued the life of the poor
from the power of the wicked!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have been lied to.
I was told it was easy,
Just love God, follow his word, want him.
I heard the stories, the miracles, the victories.
Recalling upon the savior with pure awe.
I wanted this.
I wanted to be closer to the creator.
I did not know the price.
Hearing a story that gives warnings does nothing.
Ignorant and hopeful, I went into the dark.
Walking closer to God is painful.
It requires giving up your will.
It means being mocked for choosing love over the material.
Misunderstood, feared, and alone;
I walked with my angels and the Lord.
They claim that I do not know him.
They claim that my faith is wrong.
They claim that I lost my logic.
They claim that I worship demons.
Loving God truly means to sacrifice your being to him, for him.
Temptations sprout like weeds,
Pulling you into a web of lies,
Fighting to draw you back,
Satan laughs in rejoice at every fall
Into the sin he is slaved to.
Angered at a proximity to God he lost,
Satan rages in jealousy and attacks.
And oh, how painful and frightening
These events are.
Death cannot be delivered from a sinful hand.
Bound by his creation,
Demons do no more than they are permitted
But still rejoice in their ability to harm.
And oh, how they harm.
They strike at you.
Pull your body into fear and spit lies.
Rarely there is physical debris left afterwards...
But
That makes their marks no less painful.
And it's not just them.
To walk with God is deny oneself.
I am no longer controlled by the material.
The people I know and knew hold no bondage over me.
The sins I have been tainted with?
Bleached away in the terrifying light of the Lord.
Nothing is scarier than someone who has no bounds.
To walk and live completely in their belief and faith,
What a horrifying thought.
But this is what God asks.
And when we do, oh how our neighbors tremble.
They can only feel right again by casting stones.
Jesus said, make the weakest stone the cornerstone.
Our foundation is built on trust.
To trust completely, faith of a child,
This is what it means to love him.
How far will you go for your faith?
The world asks you.
Your mother, brother, father... asks you.
God asks you.
To have faith is to be tested.
Are you strong enough to rely on our creator?
Choosing God is not a "point of no-return", it is a choice made every second of every day and the answer can change at any moment in time. Can you handle that burden? The constant temptations swirl around and mock you for choosing a path that doesn't involve them. Your peers, your siblings, society... surely will never understand why you trudge forward into the darkness that God calls you to when they are scared to live without fluorescent lights. There will be many who disagree with your choice, actively seeking your destruction as long as you move forward. But if you learnt just one thing from playing addictive video games as a child, isn't it true that the closer that your character becomes to victory that the enemies become stronger and more difficult to move past?
I know all this now. I knew not this then.
When I started my choice,
How could I have known
The pain of choosing Love.
Yahweh; to you I pray.
Creator, love me.
Savior, judge me.
Spirit, guide me.
At least for this second, I will go on.
With my angel at my side and a bible in my hand,
God, I willing to do your will.
And this time I know the consequences.
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