How to be a Wife

Love
Honor
Obey

Poetry: To Bestow

My muscles tense in memories that my brain wants to forget.

I’m not wanting this yet
The feelings can’t go away
The memory won’t dim
The throbbing can’t stop
There’s no way to avoid it

Yet again my body betrays me
My mind is full of lackluster
I lack all energy

I guess I’ll surrender

Poetry: Before I Knew

A desire
A longing
A wish
A short contemplation of the mind
A slight sorrow
A break in thought
Not to be thought again
Till another day

An un-lived fantasy of the mind
Drawing life from dearth
A bother
A hindrance
But
Nothing more

Then one day
Among thoughts of need
Availability is there
Possibility is here
Going along out of fear
Don’t want to miss an opportunity
The comings and goings of which are too fast

So now I have a taste
It unleashed my appetite
A desire before? A desperation now
A longing before? A burning now
A wish before? A craving now
A small thought turned to all day obsession
Mad with yearning
There is no other thought
Hoping to end this consideration
With the end of today

If I knew this power of my mind
Drawing and reflecting given a taste of my desire
Then
Would I have let myself still be led here?
Weak in coveting
Because I know.

Poetry: The Things I Can't Say

There’s a loneliness in my heart
Building
Welling
Flooding
Causing numbness and despair

Time just makes it worse
Letting it mutate and grow
Wrecking the semblance of balance and control

A fix so easy
So unreachable

Longing for fulfillment yet
The words never escape my lips
I cannot say what I need
Incapable of seeking out the help that I burn for
Unwilling to burden another’s time

All I cause is annoyance and hate
The frustration of others builds
As their way of reaching out
Falls flat
Dies

I’m sorry but
Words mean literally nothing to me
Your efforts of support don’t help
I don’t need to hear that I’m loved
I don’t want to hear that you can listen

I don’t want to text all night
Because it’s not a conversation
It’s me, nursing my cell, alone
And I don’t want that

I don’t want to hear your voice
I don’t need to hear your concern over the phone
It’s better but
It will make me feel guilty
Intentions notwithstanding

If you say that you’ll be here
Then show up
If you say that you’ll listen
Then hear what I’m saying
If you say that you’ll support me
Then why am I alone?

I’m not depressed
There is reason to feel the way I do
Don’t dismiss me
Frustration is caused by an unwillingness to bend
And I’m too tired to pretend
Your current action drains me
I just need a physical friend

But that’s something I can’t say
So you think I’m pushing you away.