Poetry: The Problem

The problem is that I can see it, not that I can't.
I can imagine saying yes and staying true.
I can imagine being close with you.
I can imagine giving all of myself to you.

The problem is not in our proximity but on my fears.
I fear getting close to others.
I fear embracing what I feel.
I fear where my feelings lead.

The problem is not in our differences, rather we are the same.
I know just how close we can be.
I know just how far I can take you.
I know just how you think for I understand me.

The problem is
me.

I give you labels that you can't fit under
In hopes that they'll limit your control over my heart.
I tease you so that you'll never know
The ways that your idiocy makes me appreciate you.
I trust you with dumb secrets in hopes that
Your reliance upon them to define me would end your quest.

For some dumb reason...
I like you.

I don't want to.

Your mannerisms irritate me.
Your outlook on life depresses me.
Your figure displeases me.
Your views on who I am sadden me.
Your smell disgusts me.
Your past of traveling disheartens me.

But when you smile and look at me
But when you do what you hate for me
But when you get dragged along on one of my crazy adventures

I think for a brief second...

Life with you could be good.

And I can picture it.
How we would be together.
What we would do.
How we could change each other.
Our plans.
How we should make life better.

And it scares me.

Do you see me that way?
Of course not.
Is it at all realistic to want that?
Of course not.
Would it be worth my time?
...

I'm not what you want.
Not what you need.
We could be together but
Who would that help?
What reason would I have?
It's illogical.

So.

The problem is thus.
Am I overthinking a strange friendship
or
Ruining my chances at a life with you
or
Causing myself harm by always putting myself into these situations?

I friend those I can become too close to
Then ruin our proximity with feelings
To end up all alone and abandoned.

I friend those who will never love me.
So even as I type this, I know.

The problem is that I have a problem
That you'll never see.