Poetry: Ends

"Maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you." Hallelujah

Maybe it's time for me stop.
Did I ever really start?
I don't know how to do this.
I never really have...
I'm just good at faking.

That's what I get for growing up a card family.
Look at this Poker Face.

I'm tired.
Of the lies.
Of the hurt.
Of the deceit.
Of the playful jabs
At who I am
What I do
The things I know.

Who'd want to deal with that?
I'm done.
It hurts too much to hear those words
And pretend that I don't care.

When every word they utter
Against me
Against my family
Against my culture
Against my principles
Against my mannerisms
Against my personality
Against my knowledge
Against my looks and appearance
Against everything that I know and stand for
Seems to ring too true
Echoes in my ears
And they don't hear the screams
Of my soul
As the laugh

They jest
And taunt
And mock me
Without limit
And don't even look my way

Glancing at each other's smiles
Failing to see
The tears in my eyes

I'm done.
I'm not made of stone.
And if I was, surely I would been dust by now
From all the abuse that they land on me.

I'm not good at making friends.
My socializing skills?
Awkward at best.
That doesn't mean I don't feel.
Or want.
Or need.
Or hurt.

I'd rather be all alone then deal with this.
This abuse that they land on me.
Purely for their entertainment.
Because there needs to be an underdog.
And apparently I resemble a bitch.
Because it's always me.

Do I have "loser" tattooed on my forehead?
I act tough so that I don't get victimized.
Yet it's not enough.
Because I still am.

So I'm done.
I can't take it.
What did I ever do to deserve such cruelty?

So this is the end.
This is my formal letter of dismissal.
No longer will we speak.
No longer will I listen to your crazy tantrums.
Or put up with all the things that you do that annoy me.
For apparently, it didn't matter what I was holding back.
For apparently, I was bad enough to begin with.

And yes, I may be overdramatizing.
Yes, I may be to blame.
Yes, I may be all those things and worse.
But I don't want to be around people
Who only see my faults.

I'm more than that.
But I can't grow
If they're blocking the sun.
So this is goodbye.

Thanks.
You really know how to make a girl cry.